Every 21 to 28 days I find myself being emotional. As this is natural, and is a part of womanhood. I keep entertaining the thought of returning back to Chicago, IL as if there is some grand opportunity that awaits for me. And as I sit here, I think about my past teacher Ms. Beverly Brown at the Dreamsteerer Acadame’. We had discussions on barriers, feeling stuck, fearful and much more. This amazing woman opened my eyes and was truly a beacon of light during my pageantry, a break in at my home, my separation til now divorce as well as understanding steps I needed to take at this time. She walked to my life in 2018. 2018 was a year of transitioning for me.
2018 was a year where I left things that I considered familiar and took risk just like 2015 but a bit more challenging. I thrived off fear and pushed myself to potentials I wasn’t even fully aware I possessed. Now fast forwarding to 2019, I’m finding myself at a roadblock, or at least that is what I feel. There are so many things I’m good and great at but yet still don’t know what I’m passionate about. So many things I want to experience and do but have four little ones whose best interest are at heart.
By any means, I’m not saying children stop the show but they do have you becoming more clever in how you achieve things. This is where at times I want to return to familiar. Familiar being convenience. But familiar also means you have to deal with others having so much say on how you go about living your life. They are the naysayers and those who negativity instill fear more so than motivation.
Emotionally me sitting here, meditating while my incense is burning, seeking direction collecting my white, black and black white and grey feathers of reassurance (if you don’t understand, research it). Something is telling me to return to familiar for a little just to regather my self. Then there is also something guiding me to seek something new elsewhere.
See Arizona was a stepping stone to prove that I can do it and I did it. Now I have to truly reflect what would be the next best chess move… Kings and Queens provide your insight as to how you’ve dealt with or is dealing with a similar situation…. Regards,
An Emotional Mother, Queen!
Memoirs of a Mother Queen, Uncensored! 