Most Days I sit and I don’t know if I’m supposed to live the super independent woman stage or life, or if I want that old school type of love you see in the movies or like what some of my aunties have or other friends perceive to have. Comparing my life to others sheesh wth…..I know. Pull it together Wombman.
Mainstream has literally made it to where we idol things that we feel we don’t have. Always yearning and wanting more. I’ve been disconnecting often so that I can control these confusing emotions and negative energies and vibes when they cross my path.
Media and some in my environment have made life so confusing at points to where I’m conscious or half conscious, I want to live in the spot light at times or I want to be super private. There are moments where outside of me being my biggest cheerleader, I want my mate to shout at the roof tops I’m his Queen and he is beyond elated and proud of me and my accomplishments and he wants the world to know just how lucky he is to have won my heart. Then I think to myself is this what I want because this is what I see portrayed on my social media. Life’s confusing being an 80’s millennial.
I think about how men use to open the doors and handle all the masculine things like keeping the car clean, fully taking care of the finances if he was the bread winner while the woman took care of all the household necessities, be the accountant and financier, and ensure the well being of the children while taking care of her wifely duties (whatever that may be). Now it seems there is no longer a feminine or masculine balance. Women are taught to be more independent and less dependant on a significant other and some men feel less inclined to do the past things listed.
Are there any oldschool gents who buy roses just because and open doors and really celebrate their relationship. Or is this just a facade. I achieved degrees and learned to make my own money as this was instilled in me. I was told that I wasn’t raised to be no domesticated woman. But what’s unusual is, I actually spending time with my family prior to the pandemic by cooking for them, making sure the house is clean and fulfilling that feminine role of ensuring everyone emotions and vibes are at peace while creating evolving experiences.
I actually enjoy raising my children and being a part of their growth and not missing a beat. I enjoy my mate saying “here baby, today is Saturday here’s a little pocket change to get your hair and nails done (in my case I do my own hair), but hey here you go, go buy art supplies or crystals whatever makes you feel good as I know you are the concrete in ensuring our foundation as tight” I enjoy getting into a nice detailed car even though the children will repeatedly junky it up. I enjoy being a beautiful creative soul who lives freely in the rhythm of her own beat. I enjoy individuality while sharing myself wholeheartedly with the ones I truly love.
Anywho, As I stated I’m a confused old millenial who probably should just be doing this myself as I was taught that independence is keen. Are there other old millenials that feel this way or are we in a box where being super independent is the way to go. Consistently building generational wealth, not really having any true connection to others and work to pay off student loans and mortgage…. Just wrote this as it was on my mind and because I often teether back and forth or where I fit. I thought I’d have this all figured out by now…..
I’m interested in other older Millennial thoughts… Please share and peace upon you.
Memoirs of a Mother Queen, Uncensored! 