Parenting didn’t come with a manual is an understatement. When I was younger, I never envisioned being a mom let alone a mommy of 4. I thought I’d be a world traveler that taught international finance. But my destiny was preordained, and I had written contracts long before my return.
When I began to carry my queens in training, I knew that mothering, nurturing and guiding was definitely for me. It came so naturally. The yearning to breastfeed and hold my blessings close to my heart was a feeling unmatched. It was and still is my duty not only to teach but learn from my 4 beauties. Many times I look at my children and I see a deeper connection from all. From oldest to youngest, I know they too are here to guide me back to my true purpose of this return. However, it’s not a walk in the park and I would be a dishonest person if I said it was.
I find myself wondering and questioning my own abilities more and more with my eldest. I keep questioning what is the disconnect, why is she pulling away. Why is this relationship an abusive one? One minute she views me as the most important person in her life then the next it’s as if I’m the enemy. And with having my own personal opportunities (some would call weakness) for healing I’m working on while raising her; the more she tugs away and the more I find myself wanting to shut down from her. So busy focusing on the wave of breaking the generation curse; that I missed the beat on what’s really going on here. So many distractions attacking the mental and spiritual aspects of life that working towards solidifying foundations has become a tumultuous task. “We were built for this” – they say. But the truth is I’m hurting.
Most days I’m so busy giving and giving that I lose sense of self as my neck feels tight and I feel at a state of lost, stress and pressure. I want to constantly grab my babies and hold them and shield them from all the outside attacks of the inhumane people and things in this world (the media, mainstream artist, schooling, works, dirty birdies, misinformation of the dental and medical industry and so much more). Most times I just want to get lost in my world and create and find a balance but I’m torn as everyone wants a piece of the Momo!
The last years I’ve honestly want to pull my babies away from this illusional and delusional society and teach them off grid living. Most don’t understand nor support the methods in how I chose to raise the beings I carried and birthed. Homeschooling, herbs, outside nature! “Girl are you nuts” these girls need to be in school learning to be robots and stick to the narrative. They need to go to college so that they can follow suit. You know like you did. The debt will be held over this physical body during this realm until your energy is transformed. But see, I see the negative effects of the societal grooming that’s going on here and I am fed up.
I want the little beings to be able to be sufficient like my grannie’s generation. Know how to garden, know how to hunt, know how to identify herbs outside for healing, know how to build a home from materials provided from Earth, not fear life but live life. What is a life if it is in a constant state of fear, panic and grief?
My methods aren’t understood, but I had to rid the television, limit the technology as my babies became codependent and the family became disconnected from reality and life. From doing so, I have a teen who has extreme highs and lows. One minute we’re good then the next its shits. I believe in therapy that instill the importance of building mother daughter bonds and family. But at some point, as a family we need to effectively communicate internally prior to utilizing external factors as scapegoats.
Creating, guiding, learning, living with purpose while being a parent is one of my greatest rewards and gifts to the world. What is the lesson in guiding children during this time?
How are you coping during this era in life with the little beings, I’m curious to know?
Peace upon you!
Memoirs of a Mother Queen, Uncensored! 